Middletown Senior Center

21256 Washington Street
Post Office Box 1037

Middletown, California 95461

Phone: (707) 987-3113

Fax: (707) 987-3114

msrc01@att.net


A Few Laughs

JUST FOR FUN

     A few old couples used to get together to talk about life and to have a good time.  One day, one of the men, Harry, started talking about this fantastic restaurant he went to the other night with his wife.  “Really?”, one of the men said, “what’s it called?”  After thinking for a few seconds Harry said, “what are those good smelling flowers called again?”  “Do you mean a rose?” The first man questions.  “Yes, that’s it,”  he exclaimed.  Looking over at his wife he said, “Rose, what’s that restaurant we went to the other night?” 

 

   Before going in for surgery, I thought it would be funny if I posted a note on myself telling the surgeon to be careful.  After the surgery, I found another note on myself.  “Anyone know where my cell phone is.”  ??????


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NOW THAT I’M OLDER….

I’ll share some things I’ve discovered

 

1. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

2. I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

3. I wish the buck stopped here.  I sure could use a few.

4. Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.

5. Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.

6. I feel like the morning after, and I haven’t been anywhere.  

7. I look forward to a dull evening.

8. The gleam in my eye is from the sun hitting my bifocals.

9. My favorite part of the newspaper is “20 Years Ago Today.”

10. My knees buckle and my belt won’t.

11. I sit in the rocking chair and can’t get it going.

12. I know all the answers but nobody asks the questions.

13. My pacemaker makes the garage door open when I see a pretty girl.

14. I regret all those mistakes I made resisting temptations.

15. When I sink my teeth into a steak they stay there.

16. The little old gray haired lady I helped across the street is my wife.

17. “Getting a little action” means I don’t need to take any fiber today.

18. One of those pillows on your bed is a hot-water bottle. 


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The only time incorrectly isn’t spelled incorrectly is when it’s spelled incorrectly.  

 

Sleep is my drug...my bed is my dealer...and my alarm clock is the police.

 

I used to think the most important organ is the brain!  Then I thought, look what’s telling me.  

 

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.  

  

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STAY DILIGENT AND WISE


     A man died and went to The Judgment; they told him, “Before you meet with God, I should tell you—we’ve looked over your life, and to be honest you really didn’t do anything particularly good or bad.  We’re not really sure what to do with you.  Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?”


       The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, ”Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a person who was being harassed by a group of thugs.  So I pulled over, got out a bat, and went up to the leader of the thugs.  He was a big, muscular guy with a ring pierced through his lip.  Well, I tore the ring out of his lip, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering this guy or they would have to deal with me!” 


     “Wow, impressive, “When did this happen?”  “About three minutes ago,” came the reply.