Middletown Senior Center

21256 Washington Street
Post Office Box 1037

Middletown, California 95461

Phone: (707) 987-3113

Fax: (707) 987-3114


A Few Laughs




1. Thou shall not speak from another room.

2. Thou shall not speak with your back to the person with the hearing problem.

3. Thou shall not start speaking while walking away.

4. Thou shall not speak in competition with the T. V., radio or dishwasher.

5. Thou shall get the attention of the person with the hearing problem before starting a conversation.

6. Thou shall try to speak face to face at all times.

7. Thou shall try to remove obstructions while speaking.  Example:  Hands by your face.

8. Thou shall try to speak distinctly.

9. Thou shall not raise your voice in anger when asked to repeat.

10. Thou shall TRY TO BE PATIENT.



How To Get The Police To Your House

(Not Recommended)


     An elderly man from Georgia was going up to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.  He opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.


     He phoned the police, who asked, “Is someone in your house?”  He said, “No, but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.”


     Then the police dispatcher said, “All patrols are busy.  You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.”  The old guy said, “Okay.”  He hung up the phone and counted to 30.


     Then he phoned the police again.  “Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed.  Well,  you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot them,”  and he hung up.


     Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.


     One of the Policemen said to the old guy, “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”


     The wise old man said, “I thought you said there was nobody available.”



1. Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

2. The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married.  Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T. Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single.  The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

3. Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.”  If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!  Editor’s note:  Unless you’re a real fan!

4. I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.


I can do that!

     My Grandmother, a feisty 91 and living alone in a small town in Oregon, had a total hip replacement and was house bound.  Our family, not being nearby, was concerned for her welfare and called Meals on Wheels.  We let the service know how Grandmother didn’t like the idea of being dependent on anyone for anything.  The next day a volunteer phoned Grandmother and cheerfully explained that Meals on Wheels is a service which relies on volunteers to help the elderly and the ill.  Would she be interested in it?  There was a reflective pause.  “Well, sure,” my Grandmother said.  “If you can’t find anyone else to get food to the old people, I guess I can.”


You might be old if...

Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work anyway.

The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

You feel like you really hung one on the night before, and you were in bed asleep by eight.

You get winded playing chess.

Your children begin to look middle-aged.

You join a health club and don’t go.

You begin to outlive enthusiasm.

Your mind makes contracts your body can’t meet.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.

You look forward to a dull evening.

You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.

Your knees buckle and your belt won’t.

You’re 17 around the neck and 42 around the  waist.

You stop looking forward to your next birthday.

Dialing long distance wears you out.