Middletown Senior Center

21256 Washington Street
Post Office Box 1037

Middletown, California 95461

Phone: (707) 987-3113

Fax: (707) 987-3114


A Few Laughs


¨ A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

¨ A speech is like a bicycle wheel; the longer the spoke, the greater the tire.

¨ A rental car is the only true all-terrain vehicle.

¨ What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill?  A miracle.

¨ What do you call a song sung in an automobile?  A cartoon.


¨ California holds two of the top ten most populous cities:  Los Angeles and San Diego.

¨ Fresno, in Central California, proclaims itself the Raisin Capital of the World.

¨ Castroville is known as the Artichoke Capital of the World.

¨ Fallbrook is known as the Avocado Capital of the World and hosts an annual Avocado Festival.  More avocados are grown in the region than any other county in the nation.

¨ Monterey is ranked the world’s number one golf destination by Golf Digest.

¨ The Coachella Valley is nicknamed The Date Capital of the World and The Playground of Presidents.

¨ The first motion picture theater in the United States opened in Los Angeles on April 2, 1902




-Pride, commitment, teamwork; words we use to get you to work for free.

-If you’re too lazy to start anything, you may get a reputation for patience.

-I pretend to work; they pretend to pay me.

-A procrastinator’s work is never done.

-Crime doesn’t pay...does that mean my job is a crime?

-In prison all expenses are paid by the taxpayer with no work required.  At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work, and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.  




How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without  sponges?

You can’t have everything; where would you put it?

What hair color do they put on the drivers’ licenses of bald men?


The only time incorrectly isn’t spelled incorrectly is when it’s spelled incorrectly.  


Sleep is my drug...my bed is my dealer...and my alarm clock is the police.


I used to think the most important organ is the brain!  Then I thought, look what’s telling me.  


Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.  





*You don’t do drugs anymore ‘cause you can get the same effect just by standing up really fast.  


*You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle & start singing “Kumbaya”.  


*Your back goes out more than you do.


*Someone compliments you on your layered look—and you are wearing a bikini.


*It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.


*You can live without sex, but not your glasses.


*You have a party, and the neighbors don’t even realize it.


*You find yourself singing along with elevator music.


*Your ears have more hair than your head.